Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentines Day Is A Crock

Before I start getting hate e-mail from lovers and romantics...I don't think Valentines Day was created by florists, jewelers and greeting-card manufacturers. I am not against a day set aside to celebrate love and romance. My opinion, and that's all it is, comes from a comment I have been hearing in reference to this holiday.
     "I know its supposed to be...guy's night, basketball, class, insert other regularly scheduled programming...but, in case any of you want to save your marriages you better spen Valentines Day with your wives."
I can't tell you how many times someone has made reference to the necessity of making Valentines Day a major event,otherwise the significant other will kill, maime, never forgive, or punish their partner for screwing it up.
And it's most often the women who benefit and the men who pay. (literally) Pardon my language but that is a crock of sheep smegma.
Love isn't a big romantic gesture saved for a grand occasion. Its not a requirement to hold onto  someone and that tenuous grasp hangs on the product of one day.
     Love is constant, patient, forgiving, and most of all a commitment. Not a commitment to Febuary 14 th, a commitment to loving your partner, in a way that they feel loved,every day.
     Now comes the tricky part; how to make them feel loved. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages that is a terrific book for learning  what your love languages are and what your partners are as well. Often it is more important to understand what language your partner speaks, so you can hear and understand their way of communicating love. I believe it is even more essential to happiness than knowing and understanding your own.
     If your partner would rather have a note, or a poem than a gift of flowers and candy, then Valentines Day can blow up in your face. If you would rather be taken out to dinner and your partner wants to hug and kiss over pizza and a movie...Well you can see where that is going.
Chapman has also written The Five Love Languages of Children and The Five Love Languages of Teens, these are great resources for any relationship but also to understand the action of LOVE.
I suspect one of the reasons my husband married me was because of my particular view on Valentines Day, little did he know my love language is the hardest one for him to speak. Most of the actions of love and romance involve gifts, service, nice words, and tender touches. I require: one-on-one, undivided focused, put down your life and have stimulating conversation with me, attention.  You can't pick that up at the grocery store on your way home. I don't hate Valentines Day, I just hate this idea that the annual performance is more importan than the daily grind that makes true love work.
So Happy Valentines Day, from a romantic that believes the greater part of love is trust and that doesn't come in a heart shaped box of chocolates, or a bunch of roses. True love is something you do, every day. May the other 363 days of the year be as satisfying as I hope today was,and may you know and find true love.

1 comment:

  1. Well said my darling niece. I am fortunate to be married to a man who gets it. Although we DID go out to a nice dinner, the best part of today, at the end of it, was watching a program we were both interested in, and yelling at the TV...together.Silly, I know, but it was fun.Yeah for t-wooo wuv!